The Art of Living

10 minutes ago

3 min read

As the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus noted, the only constant in life is change. Now that I have a few decades behind me, I understand this more profoundly than ever. We plan, we expect, we wait – but we can't truly know the future. That cherished friend moves away. The lifelong partner walks out. The parent dies suddenly. That child leaves home and moves unexpectedly far away. Our envisioned future crumbles and we find ourselves alone and

grieving. What do we do? How do we handle this? And how do these unexpected, in-between seasons in our lives affect our art?

This year has been one of loss and change for me. I find myself in a different season of my life. And of course, it has impacted my art practice. My art slowed down. For a while I was unable to go out to my studio. I felt frozen. I finally was able to start working in it again, but not nearly as much. Why haven’t I done more? I should have done more. Don’t grieving artists throw themselves into their work? Self-castigation would be easy.

For me, the important thing here is not the changes and losses, not even my response to them, but my feelings around my response. Growing up, I experienced a lot of criticism and rejection. So of course, I learned to criticize and reject my emotions, my flaws, myself.

But what wonderful lessons I have learned over these past several months. I’ve learned to be gentle with myself, compassionate. I have accepted that my output doesn’t define me. I feel perfectly fine about where I’ve put my energy -- into healing. Into understanding that I am precious and lovely even if I don’t do a "productive" thing! These are valuable lessons to someone with my history of complex trauma...and maybe for you too.

Sometimes it's helpful to look back at what we have accomplished (it's often more than we think): I've worked in my sketchbook, taught art classes, practiced more with gouache, completed a rose artwork, finished a commission, continued the teapot, exhibited my art at a coffee shop, art journaled a good deal, worked on my website and online portfolio, among other things.

I volunteer at the Fly Art Gallery, where we’ve so far had 7 exhibits this year! That’s a lot of coordinating, art hanging and marketing. It takes up a lot of my time because we’ve continued to grow (yay!), but my help has diminished (any local friends want to get involved?)

I even, after much research, started a print-on-demand business that I ultimately decided against. Designing products was fun, but my (very right-sided) brain is not built for the business side of the hustle.

There’s more but you get the idea. I know you do, because you probably have just as much or more on your plate. So I want to tell you the things I’ve done that are also productive, although not as highly valued in our society.

I rested.

I worked in my flower garden.

I read encouraging, informative books.

I self-reflected.

I made over a room into my office.

I painted that room pink.

I stared out the window.

I told my inner child she was a rockstar.

I made evenings a special occasion with candles and Britbox.

I learned to talk more lovingly to myself (those critical shaming voices, am I right?).

I read fiction for the love of it.

I asked God a lot of questions.

I made ugly paintings.

I rested some more.

I took leaps of faith.

I cried.

I worked (mentally and emotionally) to make my life beautiful.

I drank cozy drinks.

I enjoyed birds and butterflies and bees.

And I felt okay about all of it. I was still creating art. In fact, I was creating my greatest masterpiece -- my life, my becoming, my journey. And that includes all of the big messy job of living!

I discovered that I have agency, the power to change my life -- not just go with the flow and see where it takes me. I went from “No, I could never do that” to “Why can’t I do that? Why not me?” I saw changes in my life. And I believe that my tomorrows will be beautiful. Life sometimes means suffering. But we can redeem it! Let it be the catalyst that propels us into a new, better reality.

Let’s continue to bring light into our ugly, messy, beautiful world. And whatever art looks like for you, keep making it! Ugly or otherwise.

Love and blessings

Santha